Today doesn’t feel so awesome. It did, when I woke up; and when the caffeine was flowing, my day neatly ordered and my music on the radio. But that was hours ago. Having literally only a few hours of sleep, coupled with some difficult and so-close-to-home-they-live-in-the-fridge discussions in a particular class, and I’m all the way out of awesome. I mean, call a girl-friend, break out the chocolate, huddle under a blanket till the rain stops, empty.
But before I don the pity-party hat, I have to remember: awesome isn’t a feeling. It’s a state of being. It’s inherent in becoming a child of the Living and Almighty God. I don’t get to pick, based on my emotive state, or my circumstantial mode, whether I’m awesome right now or not. I simply am.
The God of the universe, the one who breathed every star into existence, and who knows their very names, calls me His. His name will be written on me for eternity (a God tattoo ~ awesome!); He will be mine and I will be His. And because of this, awesome is who I am. More than Jen, more than wife; more, even, than mother. I am a child of God.
And believe me, that is Awesome. As I write these words, the truth is liberating and expansive, as the sky that holds the orbs of nighttime lights, fills my chest. My awesome, though it never left me, is sounding. It’s there, where it was deposited. I just misplaced it, for an awfully long while.
I will hold tight to it now. I will not let it go. I will not forfeit it to the liars who seek to steal it from me. It is mine. Paid for, deposited into my heart, by my Father, Whisperer of Stars.