Monday, October 3, 2011

Awesome, on pause

I need a snow day.  I realize it’s only October.  But I need the pause that only the freshly powdered silence of an exterior down-comforter can bring.  I need everything to just stop for a moment.  Not slow down, not ease up.  I need a full stop.  One that literally bars me from going out my front door; the kind that demands movies, hot chocolate, snuggling under blankets, and fluff-reading.    

This week alone I have two quizzes, one paper, and one qualifying exam; not to mention I’m officially three weeks behind on the research schedule, and two weeks behind on the midterm prep.  I have the last 3 weeks of an 8-week course in cram into one grand finale.  I have a surprise trip (the kids don’t know yet) to plan for and pack, all while everyone’s asleep.  I have another surprise, in the form of a matinee ballet for the oldest.  And I have a potentially fatal (ok, perhaps slightly dramatic, though this is what the doctor has said for 3 years running) oral challenge for the youngest’s allergy.  [Translation: we’re going to go to the doctor’s office and feed him the one thing he’s never suppose to eat, for fear of death, to see if he’s grown out of his allergy; as the blood work and scratch test show]  Plus, the clean that needs to happen for the guys’ group head over on Wednesday, on top of all the “usual” chores [laundry, feeding people, procuring food, sanitizing surfaces that would otherwise animate because of all the living things growing on them, etc..].  Yeah, I need a snow day.
But, I know in my knower that’s not going to happen.  What to do?  Well, I am begging grace for starters.  Though I will be more Martha than Mary in my hustle and bustle this week, I am going to shut down all the non-essentials.  I am going to spend my time where it matters most.  This doesn’t mean that I’m abandoning my quest for the awesome.  Quite the contrary; I will be gathering all that I can in this next week to make the last seven explode with meaning.  I just won’t be able to present my discoveries the day I happen upon them.  I already have a list going of things I want to share, little jewels I’ve plucked from my days that I truly want to turn over slowly in my hand to appreciate their full beauty.  But that will have to wait until after this week.  Forgive me, reader, if you’re still there.  I am not abandoning you.  I am merely admitting to my limitations.  And for someone who’s constant striving was a hindrance, that’s a freeing thing.    
I’ve heard it taught, so often, that Martha was the baddie and Mary the goodie, as they entertained Jesus.  I would like to submit a “yes-and-no.”  Yes, Martha’s attitude was poor (oh, Martha, I get it!) and Mary’s was good.  But I would like to also point out that in that time and culture, both Martha and Mary had responsibilities, expectations to live up to.  You see, someone had to get everything ready for all the people listening to Jesus.  Somebody had to be the hostess; in that culture it was more than expected, it was required.  Our “things” need doing.  It’s the attitude that counts.  So for the next week, while I’m neck deep in all my things that need doing, I’m going to maintain a thankful heart; an attitude that recognizes that this season is a busy one, full of things I love to do and am so blessed to be a part of.  Not one should be a burden.  In each one I will find joy.  And likely, my awesome, peeking out from behind each, smiling.    

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