The Opposite of awesome isn’t insecurity. It’s not, “oh, gee, do these jeans make me look fat?” Nor is it, “I really hope I can think of something to contribute to this conversation.” Insecurity is pride’s step-cousin. Insecurity is self-reliant, self-focused, and is a pithy rationalization for not fighting for your awesome.
No, the opposite of awesome isn’t insecurity. It’s deception. It is the constant lie that tells you, for whatever reason, you’re not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not thoughtful enough, not busy enough, not still enough. Not enough and yet entirely too much at the same time. Too emotional, too loud, too shy, too brassy, too opinionated, too quiet, too focused, too ridiculous, too much effort. It’s a daily fight, waged against the truth of scripture regarding who you are, and who you were meant to be.
And its objective is to incapacitate you. To render you completely ineffective for the kingdom of God, for the reason for which you were designed, the purpose which only you can fill. Because if you agree with the deception of “not enough/too much,” you will disengage. You will eventually become someone else entirely. It may be as innocuous as thinking, “I’m not as well educated as the people in this conversation, what can I add?” And so you say nothing, allowing the smarter-thans to converse, without your input. Alright, but what if your input what exactly what the smart-thans needed to hear? What if your perspective was one they hadn’t yet considered? What if, by holding back, you extinguished a little piece of why you’re here?
Don’t hide anymore. Fight the deception that you are not enough. Wage war against the lie that you are too much. You, imperfectly so in the very moment, you are neither too much nor not enough. You are exactly who you were made to be. Don’t let the lies overtake you. Don’t listen to the deception anymore. Don’t call it insecurity, for that is yet another facet of the untruth; another way to hide your awesome away. Call it war. Ready yourself with truth, clothe yourself with armor. And fearlessly, though it never be flawless, live you ~ out loud.