Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Shifter's Compass Recovery Program

I will say it again: I’ve been unsettled in my heart of late.  My compass (not my True North) has faltered and is spinning erratically.  I am dizzy with indecision, weary of the incessant pummeling of a particular external entity, and deeply saddened by my increasingly predictable response.  There are days when I simply want to stay at home and hide.  Yet, because I know who I follow, the God who Sees Me, I know that this, too, shall pass.  I merely need to recover my orientation, regain my footing, and restart my journey.  And though it will require discipline on my part, it is not something that I alone can do – I will need the Holy Spirit working in me for this to be accomplished.  But I am ready to recover my compass. 

Do not think that I have lost my faith; on the contrary, what I am loosing are my false theologies, idols that I didn't realize wheren't representative of the One True God.  Thus, while my faith is being sifted, I can see it is being strengthened even  as I type.  But I will not deny that this is a season of shifting in my soul.  A separating of chaff from wheat; a refining of what is true and a melting away of what is insignificant.  It is because I can recognize this season that I can equip and arm myself accordingly.  Thus, I have purposed to engage in a more liturgical discipline over the next month, so that I might taste and see what the Lord has for me, even amongst these ashes. 
A beautiful former mentor wrote a prayer, one that I have been praying [at least in part] daily.  She calls it the “Shifter’s Prayer.”  It is, as is so much of her work, art.  And insight.  And deeply personal, because in it she allows for soul shifts that recognize that God is still God, even while I’m being redefined in and through Him.  I have included it below, just in case anyone else out there is being sifted.

I also recently purchased the Common Book of Prayer and beginning yesterday, I purposed to follow the offices therein.  That I might recognize that I am a part of something far greater than myself; something even greater than myself and my relationship with Jesus.  I am a member of a world-wide body of believers (both temporal and heavenly) who recite these prayers, who keep these offices, who need the same grace and the same mercy from the same God as I.  So that I might lift my eyes from my personal shifting to see, quite frankly, that the world does not revolve around me. 
It should only ever revolve around Christ Jesus.  For the glory of God.  Forever and ever.  Amen.     

a shifter's prayer template  by Kathy Escobar
God, i used to think you were... (any qualities of God that you used to really believe)

i used to be able to say to others, to myself... (one or two phrases that you were sure

of in your faith)

when i read the Bible i used to feel... (several feeling words)

now i sometimes feel... (several feeling words)

oh, how i miss... (several things you miss about your faith before)

but God, i'm trying to lean into the present, to experiencing you in new ways.

i see you in... (several areas of your life where you are seeing God somehow, some way)

i feel you in... (several areas of your life where you are feeling God somehow, some way)

i hear you in... (several areas of your life where you are hearing God somehow, some

i smell you in... (several areas of your life where you might smell God somehow, some

i touch you when i touch... (several areas of your life where you are touching God
somehow, some way)

thank you for these gifts.

despite all the things i don't know, i can still cling to this.... (one truth that is
sustaining you right now)

and for that i, too, am thankful.

God, please keep sustaining me in these shifts.

i do want more of you in my life.


// september 2012        

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